Tired...

I'm so tired now...
My body feels so weak perhaps becoz of sleeping so late, while my brain feels like bursting. :( I'm too tired to study, but still I have to study. Otherwise, how can I pass my exams?
God, I'm so sorry for my foolishness in making decission to come and study here. :( Now, please help me, Lord that I can finish the thing, which is my study, that I have started. Help me to finish it well. I don't need to get High Distinction mark, coz it's just so hard to get Pass. :( As long as I can pass my exam, Lord... that's it. And I'll thank you for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I'm concern of my honey's situation now. Life must be so annoying for him since he's fed up w/ his work issues, crazy neighbors, plus my annoying habit (hopefully it won't develop further to become a character!). :( I'm still in a guilty feeling that I've made my beloved man lost his trust to me. :( How come I am now become such a dishonest person? :( What have changed me so much in two years? Is that becoz of my insecurity? God, please forgive me and please take all the insecurities in me away. In You alone, o God, whom I can stand secure.

I don't know why, but I always feel so intimidated and afraid that the people who are close to me and who love me would leave me when they see my weaknesses or that they would look down on me as if I have no value when they see my failures. :( Lord, I just need someone who can love me for who I am and accept me for better for worse. The one that won't leave me when things go wrong, but stay with me and correct me in love that I can be a better person. I'm so imperfect, Lord.. So far, I can only find such figure in Christ alone and I'm happy to know that He loves me deeply and unconditionally. However, I often don't realize that He does. :( I'm just so blind that I can't see how much Jesus loves me. :( Help me to see and realize how deep is Your love for me and how much You really value my life that I don't need to put my mask on everyday to everyone, o God..